Just putting that out there. The temp in the car read 103 today. But that's news to nobody.
Some of you have been praying that we would make a deadline the beginning of this month of 50% of our monthly support--we were accepted into the October conference with 47.5%, a lot of relief, and a some guilt on my part for worrying about it so much. Overall, I actually was relaxed about the whole thing, but there wasn't a total dependence on God. I prayed that He would hear us. I asked for His favor, I placed everything in His hands--but then I think in some way, I took it back right at the last minute.
Some of you will be thinking, 'now, don't be so hard on yourself, we're not all perfect!' Agreed. But we all know that there are different kinds of guilt. This wasn't me being hard on myself; it was one of those conviction-in-the-form-of-guilt moments. I know it was from the Holy Spirit. And I was actually really grateful for it. It was gentle. It was kind. It was convicting. It caused me to pray and confess my doubt. It's helping me draw closer to God.
I'm still trying to hash out my theology of prayer. I know it will be a lifelong lesson, but I'm trying to make some sense out of so many ways people prayed in the Bible in so many situations and the different responses God gives and the reasons he does or doesn't give. All I know is that I'm that I need to be praying more and more. Not out of duty, but out of desire. I just have to! It sustains me.
God's grace is so immeasurable. This is whole thing is just another way that he confirms to me that the Holy Spirit is working in me--I'm on the right track. I'm abiding, I'm growing, and I'm being pruned.
Oh the riches of the mercy of the grace of our God!